Try: As a caregiver you may often use intuition or a "trial and error" approach to decide what to do in a given situation here are some strategies and suggestions that may be helpful in caring for someone with dementia being reasonable rational and logical may not work and could cause problems when the Care recipient (cr) with dementia is acting in ways that don’t make sense you may tend to carefully explain the situation and call upon the cr’s sense of appropriateness to get compliance however the cr with dementia doesn’t have a "boss" in his or her brain any longer and may not respond to your arguments no matter how logical straightforward simple sentences about what is going to happen usually work better than trying to use logic and reason care recipient’s with dementia do not need to be grounded in reality crs with memory loss may often forget important things for example the cr may forget that his or her mother is deceased when you remind the cr of this loss you remind him or her about the pain of that loss also when the cr wants to go home you may try to provide reassurance by telling the cr that he or she is already at home however this approach may lead to an argument it may work better if you acknowledge the cr’s perceived reality by asking questions about it this may have a calming influence on the cr and provide a sense of peace for example what is your mother’s favorite dish to cook what was your home like did you have your own bedroom you cannot be a perfect caregiver just as there is no such thing as a perfect parent there is no such thing as a perfect caregiver you have the right to the full range of human emotions and sometimes you are going to be impatient or frustrated learning to forgive your loved one as well as yourself is essential in the caregiving journey in many cases it is the disease and the situation that is making you upset instead of the cr "therapeutic lying" may reduces stress you may value being honest with all people all of the time in all situations while this is an honorable character trait it may not work for cr’s with dementia in fact it could lead to problems and distress for both you and the cr does it really matter that the cr thinks that you are a volunteer at a day care center instead of a family member if the cr gets agitated when going to the doctor’s office is it okay to take the cr out to lunch and then "coincidentally" stop by the doctor’s office on the way home using this approach will take some sensitivity judgment and discernment on your part keep in mind that "therapeutic lying" may be in the best interests of the cr and you should not feel guilty about it making agreements does not work if you ask the cr to remember to do something or not do something it will soon be forgotten for cr’s in early stage dementia leaving notes as reminders can sometimes help but as the disease progresses this will not work taking action and rearranging the environment rather than talking and discussing is usually a more successful approach for example getting a tea kettle with an automatic "off" switch is better than warning the cr of the dangers of leaving the stove on doctors often need to be educated by you telling the doctor what you see at home is important the doctor can’t tell during an examination that the cr has been up all night pacing the doctor may not know that the cr has been getting out of the house and wandering off sometimes doctors as well as caregivers need to use "therapeutic lying " for example the doctor may tell the cr that an antidepressant is for memory rather than depression in some cases especially with general practioners the doctors may place too much reliance on the gerantologist or neurologist to deal with the cr cr’s dementia issues as a result it is very important for you to communicate what you know about dementia and what you have observed at home with the cr you can’t do it all it’s ok to accept help before you get desperate when people offer to help the answer should always be "yes " maintain a list of things people can do to help you whether it is bringing a meal picking up a prescription helping trim the roses or staying with the cr while you run an errand this will reinforce offers of help it is harder to ask for help than to accept it when it is offered so don’t wait until you "really need it" to get support don’t overestimate or underestimate what the care recipient can do it is often easier to do a task for the cr rather than let the cr to do it on his or her own if you do the task for the cr he or she may lose the ability to be independent in that skill on the other hand if you insist that the cr do the task he or she may get frustrated and agitated there may not be an easy solution for this quandary however as a caregiver you need to realistically assess what the cr is capable of doing you then need need to find the right balance between doing the task yourself and asking the cr to do it this balance may shift in different situations and circumstances and also may change from day to day if you and the cr are under a time crunch trying to get to a doctor’s appointment and so on you may need to do the task yourself at other times you may have the time to coach the cr through the task by providing verbal cues even if the task takes much more time to complete it may be better for the cr to do it with as little assistance from you as possible this may help the cr remain independent and retain important skills in addition it may help the cr’s self-confidence however if the cr in not physically mentally or emotionally capable of doing a task it would serve no useful purpose to keep trying and it would be better to find some other intervention or support for completing the task tell don’t ask asking the cr questions and providing too many choices may cause problems it may be better to just tell the cr what to do for example asking "what would you like for dinner " may have been a perfectly normal question at another time however asking the cr with dementia this question may be problematic the cr may not be able to come up with the right words to answer this question for example the cr may not be able to communicate what type of food is desired or that he or she is not hungry right now saying "we are going to eat now " encourages the cr to eat and doesn’t put him or her in the dilemma of providing a response it is perfectly normal to question the diagnosis when the cr has moments of lucidity one of the hardest things to do is to remember that you are responding to a disease not the person who once was every cr with dementia has times when he or she makes perfect sense and can respond appropriately when this occurs you may sometimes feel that the cr has been faking the symptoms of dementia or that you have been exaggerating the problem just remember that you are not imagining things the cr is having one of those moments that you should treasure when it occurs you then need to move forward grounded in the reality of the disease and continue to do all that you can to enhace the quality of life for the cr information references adapted from family caregiver alliance article

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Categories: Behavior Challenging, Caregiver Needs&Support, Cognitive Intellectual, Emotional Psychological, Medical Physical, Some Supervision, Maximum Supervision, Somewhat Aware, Unaware, So-So L T Memory, Poor L T Memory, So-So S T Memory, Poor S T Memory

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Keywords: Memory care alzheimer alzheimer’s disease

*This information is listed as a Fact Sheet and is not explicitly medically licensed